you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
