I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I need water and some morals
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
