I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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