your room smells of hookers.
And success
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
