I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
