I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
