You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
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He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
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Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
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