I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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