What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize
