I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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