My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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