I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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