Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
