Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
