Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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