plz talk dirty to me
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
