I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
