I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize