Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
