lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
