He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
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couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
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Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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