I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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