My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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