Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
