I accidentally burped into my bong.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
