You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
