i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Alive.
So much puke
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
