Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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