i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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