Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Randomize
