Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
