Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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