I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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