Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
