can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
