No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
