Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
