I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
