operation harelip BJ is a go
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
