I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
