The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
