So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
