I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Randomize
