then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
