I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
