My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
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Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
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Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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