Pappa wants mamma naked
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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