great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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