you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
