I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
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Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
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We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.