I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
All of them.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He better not be in your backpack
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"