You just made me feel so damn special
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry