went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
