Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.