You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Randomize
