Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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