Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
