i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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