so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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