I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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