Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
