He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
