I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
