you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I am available for nakedness
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
