just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
