the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
My dad is sitting where you rode me
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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