I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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