it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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