wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
i out mim tonsoeep
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