So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
ugly people sure do ruin things
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
