it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
