Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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