Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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