I'm so fucking centered right now
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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