yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
