he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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