so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
