well I can't set my house on fire every night
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
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