The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
