I want to have your abortion
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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