What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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