I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
