Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
