Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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