yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
