Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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